Category Archives: englezisme

The Fighter

He realized a long time ago that life isn’t always ending up as planned. “You have to be happy with what you have” his father would say. That of course if he would have been around when he grew up. He didn’t choose to be where he is today but it didn’t matter now anyway, did it? He had to go ahead with it.

The room was awkwardly quite. A large room where 100 people could easily fit in. He was all alone, however. He sat in complete silence, his rush breath was the only sound that left a noise. Silence…the total opposite of what was going on in his head. 

All kind of thoughts racing fast…memories, things he should remember, small victories, movements of the past, nonsense that didn’t matter…most of all, didn’t matter now. He had other things to think of.

Among all of them, something was creeping up his throat, like a shadow that he couldn’t get rid of. It was fear. 

“Fear is for the smart ones. Fear keeps you alive” his father would say. That of course, if he would have been around when he grew up.

He was not, though. But from all their imaginary conversations this was the best thing they didn’t talk about: “Fear keeps you alive”. Maybe he came up with it because he was always afraid. Not vulnerable…he was never vulnerable, he couldn’t be, but fear was always by his side. Fear of defeat, fear of drowning in mediocrity, fear of not being the king of his world anymore.

He heard a door opening and noise flooding in the hallway. The door shut and the noise disappeared again but now he could hear footsteps rapidly approaching.

A knock in the door and it swung open.

“Ready?” the intruder asked

“Does it matter??”

“I guess it doesn’t.”
He rose from the table that was hosting his ass and started walking. Out of the door, into the narrow hallway. He starred stupidly at a lightbulb that was flickering. “Flickers as my heart” he though and passed under it.

The intruder went a few steps ahead and widely opened the thick door that was connecting his peace from earlier from the chaos that was about to start.

The arena was sold out tonight and the noise of the crowd nearly made his head spin. People everywhere. Starring. Screaming. Shouting in anticipation. Wanting to see what they came for. 

He walked alone through the narrow sidewalk between the crowd.

Hands were wide spread for him to touch or shake, faces crying for a look of his, but he couldn’t touch or look at anyone…fear was controlling him. His eyes were fixed. His heart was exploding.

He stepped into the ring and fear became uncontrollable. It was inpowering him now, fear was giving him strength, fear was each breath he took, fear were his fists, fear was his essence. Fear could be seen in his opponent’s eyes.

“Fear keeps you alive. That of course, if you are not on the other side of the ring” his father would say.

  

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We are both flower and leaves

‘What a marvelous disaster’ she said. ‘While we were running towards the sun we forgot to look around and breath the fresh air around us. We wanted to be free together and to know how flying feels like but instead of flying we found falling.’

‘Look at this’ he replied and pointed towards a large plant that was close to the bench where they were sitting. ‘Look at the leaves that are closer to the ground.’

‘What am I looking at?’ she said

‘You can see that those leaves are almost dried up, some completely fell of already.’

‘So?’

‘Now look a the top of the plant.’

‘A flower is blooming’ she remarked.

‘And the leaves close to it are green and look healthy. Maybe one day they will also be dry and maybe even fall completely off. All of the leaves have only one purpose though – to help the flower grow. To give her what she needs. To help her become wiser.
Some leaves will fall while others will become stronger and grow with the flower.’

‘Maybe we found falling towards the end’ he continued ‘but we also found happiness and warmth on the way and our hearts are just bigger now and ready for what’s coming next.’

‘We are both flower and leaves’ she said.

 

Painting

You’re just drunk

– What’s wrong with you?

– The world is changing.

– So?

– It will never be the same. We will never be the same.

– You’re just drunk.

– No. I can see it better than I ever did before. I might have been drunk each day of my life while I was sober.

– What will never be the same?

– Our lives. Our rhythm. Our beating. Our struggle. Everything is changing and we have to move with it or stay behind and dream of the days that are no more. Can’t you hear it reshaping?  Its corners, its sides, its perspectives, its people.

– I miss it.

– What do you miss?

– The person I got used to see in the mirror.

How to silence your mind

Everyone needs sometimes a day off from everything. That day when we just don’t want to do anything except relaxing. Maybe take a book and read it in the park or just be a motionless body laying in bed the whole day. We just want to stop our day-to-day life and do nothing.
Easy to say but hard to do, because you are not left alone and start hearing it again. That condescending bastard voice deep inside your head. “You can’t stay and loose the whole day. You have a deadline on Monday on that project, you need to wash the dishes, you need to solve that problem, you can’t forget that you have to feel miserable for everything that happens in this world; but this day, this life, is not yours!”

It’s the voice that refuses to be quite for more than two minutes. That voice that you are speaking in your head. And damn, but that voice is annoying!

I had this problem for most of my life but especially when I was concerned about something or had problems of some sort. In my head there was a loud nightmare that was not letting me do anything properly and most of all, was not allowing me to enjoy happiness or find peace. Step by step I found ways of bringing that voice to an acceptable tone or at least I learned how to cohabit with her. This is what helped me do so:

  1. Ham Sah – Ham Sah – Ham Sah

You guessed it right. Meditation is the key.
I was skeptical in the beginning too. Especially being from Romania, a country in which many people are still wrongly associating Yoga and consecutively meditation, to an idol-worshiping-sex-sect-movement from the 90’s, I was skeptical. Surving through some difficult times though, I said to myself that I have nothing to lose by trying it since I already am my personal sex slave, but that’s another story.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not and I never were a hardcore meditator. Sometimes weeks are passing by without meditating, but after I started meditating, indeed, some kind of magic happened. By practising it (even sporadically), it helped me find a calmness that I haven’t experienced before. I can’t say that I had transcendental experiences, but I was able to achieve that not-thinking-of-anything state that I was searching for and with it, I was able to reflect on the things that concerned me the most, solve them and go on with my life. You may also be skeptical, but trust me and give it a try.
You can find a simple tutorial on how to mediate here.

  1. Let’s get physical, physical (sorry, couldn’t help it)

Except the fact that starting to do exercises or just being an active person is good for your health, it is also good for your mind. By doing sports, your brain creates a higher amount of endorphin, serotonin and dopamine. In easy words, dopamine is the substance that gives you a rewarding feeling (in this case from achieving an exercise goal), serotonin gives you the sensation of achievement and endorphin, the ultimate feeling of happiness. Besides feeling good during and after you did sports, your mind is also in a tranquil state and lets you relax without boycotting your vibe.

  1. Stop overthinking

Overthinking is a natural tendency of our brain and of our day-to-day life. Most of the times we are thinking of the past and of all the things that we could have done better. In many of my previous posts, I gave one advice that helped me the most: If you can’t control or change things that happened or will happen, accept them as they are and stop thinking about them. You need a bit of practice to be fully able to apply this in all matters, but it will come with time. You must keep some things in mind that will help you on this path: forgive yourself for the things you have done or failed to do; accept the fact that not all problems have a solution that is suitable for you; when in need, go back to the 1st point and start meditating.

  1. Smile. Smile a lot.

As controversial as this line is, it’s totally applicable for this point: Fake it ’till you make it!
It has been scientifically proven that the grimaces that your face does when smiling, creates a higher amount of the Endorphin and with it, it gives you a positive and happy state of mind. By smiling a lot, I also mean smiling at life and seeing it in a positive way. See the good side in everything that happens to you and don’t let your mind bring up only the negative parts out. Smile when things happened, so everyone will ask themselves what you know, that they don’t.

As a conclusion, think of your mind as being an outdated program that is always generating contradictory errors with your consciousness. Errors that only you can fix. You will never be able to silence your mind completely and you shouldn’t either, because by hearing her out, sometimes you will understand what your concerns and challenges are all about. By not knowing them, it is not possible to solve and overcome them.

Life is not perfect and your mind will always try to remind you that, but life is also beautiful in all of its forms and this – you have to remind your mind.

 

More was never enough

“Money is NOT EVIL by itself, its just paper with perceived value to obtain other things we value in other ways.

IF NOT MONEY – WHAT IS EVIL YOU MAY ASK?
Evil is the unquenchable, obsessive and moral bending desire for MORE.
EVIL is the bottomless, soulless and obsessive-compulsive pursuit of some pot of gold at the end of some rainbow which doesn’t exist

EVIL is having a PRICE tag for your HEART and SOUL in exchange for Financial Success at ANY cost.

EVIL is trying to BUY happiness, again and again, until all of those fake, short lived mirages of emotions are gone.

IMAGINE HAVING IT ALL — ONLY TO LOSE IT ALL…
YOU ARE NOW BROKE – all the money is gone, what do you have?
The only solution to your madness and happiness was acquiring MORE
Now you have NO MORE MEANS TO ACQUIRE FAKE HAPPINESS…

NO MORE MEANS TO ACQUIRE MORE
SO…WHO ARE YOU NOW?
Where are all the people NOW who you thought were your friends while the money was flowing in?
You might have lost your family, friends and mostly everyone in the world thinks you are a self centered, egotistical asshole.
Why? Because of YOUR endless pursuit for MORE clouded your mind and diverted you from your TRUE PURPOSE IN LIFE!

DOES THIS HIT AN EMOTIONAL CHORD IN YOU?

DID IT DEPRESS OR SADDEN YOU?

…I ALMOST SAID GOOD, but I say this ONLY because I want YOU TO CHANGE!!

I’m not saying you can’t be financially successful;
I’m SAYING HAVE A GREATER PURPOSE IN LIFE well beyond the Pursuit of Financial Success.

Your Soul is SCREAMING for you to answer your TRUE calling

You can CHANGE today if you redefine what SUCCESS is to you.
You can transform your damaged relationships and build new ones.
You can forgive yourself and others who’ve hurt you
you can become a leader by mentoring with others who you aspire to be like.
You can re-balance your priorities in life.
You can heal your marriage and recreate a stronger LOVE than you ever thought possible.

You can become the best parent possible at ANY age – even 86, but don’t WAIT until then…

You will always be able to make more money, BUT you CANNOT make more time.

One day, just like me, you will DIE too…
What do YOU want to be remembered for?
What can YOU do for others to make the world a better place?
What is YOUR true purpose on this Earth?

We are ALL dying – but only a small select few are truly LIVING.

You can step out of the Shadows into the LIGHT.
You were meant for GREATNESS
You were meant for MORE than just what you do for a living.
You are an eternal being meant to INSPIRE AND HELP THE WORLD!

——LET’S GET IT RIGHT ONCE AND FOR ALL IN THIS LIFETIME…

TODAY, YOU STEP INTO THE WORLD WHERE TRUE LOVE EXISTS
AND YOU FINALLY REALIZE THAT LOVE IN FACT, IS
“THE MORE” YOU’VE WANTED YOUR WHOLE LIFE

JUST LOVE MORE AND MORE,
EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY
AND
NEVER GIVE UP,
regardless of how challenging your destiny and life will be…

The World really needs you now more than ever…
Together, with Love, Compassion and faith in HUMANITY, WE WILL DEFEAT EVIL, ONCE AND FOR ALL!”

Morgan Freeman – “More was never enough”

 

morgan-freeman

You suck less than most people do

“You suck less than most people do,” he said.

I open my eyes to see him better, but he was sitting on a chair in a corner of the room, where the light couldn’t reach him. I close my eyes again and rub them swiftly, in the hope of seeing better. I open them again, but I still can’t see him.

“Thank you. I guess. Probably you do the same,” I said.

“I haven’t. I was the same as most people and sometimes even less. I was going along with my flock of sheep, saying and doing exactly as the others did. I didn’t have a voice. I was speaking only in a chorus.”

“You judge yourself too harsh.” I said “You never had that idea back then. You thought of yourself as being important. A figure that people looked up to. A titan. A Hercules that puts things into motion, when nobody else does.”

“Oh, but I was so wrong,” he said. “Probably I was unable to see further than my ego, nor being able to see past that bubble in which I lived in. I loved that bubble so much and so intensely, until it blinded me. I wished to live my whole life in that bubble. I probably would have had, if the circumstances wouldn’t have broken it.”

“I think ‘broken’ is a strong word. You never left or broke that bubble. You’re still there. I am still in that bubble in some ways. But a feet will always be outside now,” I said.

“You had the chance to leave and live a new life in a different place. You left me behind and after a time you forgot about me. You left me to die”

“But you didn’t die. I did.
I had to die so I can be reborn. I had to let go so I can learn from my life, so I can enjoy it, so I can live a life without looking over my shoulder to a past that I no longer live, to a man that I no longer am,” I said. “You see, I think many times of the past and of the things that I’ve done or could have done better.
I think of all the mistakes that could have been avoided, and of all the times where I was unable to find what I was looking for.
I embrace all of them now. I learned from them. From all of them. From loving all sorts of women, from running away from responsibility, lying to myself, cheating on life or from dancing with chaos. I learned from all of them and then I let them go.”

“I know you did. That is why I am here. To remind you of them.
Of the misery you felt when you’ve been cheated on, of the disappointments that came from trusting the wrong people, of the feeling of losing somebody you love or of missing the person that is not yours to miss anymore, of the anger, the tears, the vices, the fears, the pain. I am here to remind you of all of them. I am here to remind you that I am not dead,” he said.

“But you came too late. Way too late. Those skeletons are long buried, my old friend. I made peace with them a long time ago.
What I had to realize in order for me to be happy was that, all of them were experiences that had to happen in anyone’s life, at some point or the other. Lessons that we all have to learn.So I analyzed, understood and in the end accepted them.

Because you are here now, instead of reminding me of all the things you just said, you are reminding me of all the good times that happened back then. The comfort that I felt growing up with my friends and family, the joys and glorious moments, the smiles, the laughter, the parties, the jokes, of all of them. But most of all, how it feels to love and to be loved.

Indeed I miss that place which I don’t even know if it’s still exists, where my hearth is full and my soul understood. But now, I found a new one,” I said.

“I am the most important part of your life!!” he screams and rises from his chair and comes to face me in the light.

He seems younger than I am, but he looks old, tired and worn out. He looks at me with my face, with my eyes, with my body. He is the man I used to be. He is me.

“You are an important part of my life, but not the most important. Me, now, in this moment, am the most important part.
So don’t try to be a despot or a dictator of some sort. You won’t be able to dictate my life as you were doing until not so long ago.
The present counts the most, the  breaths that we are taking now, not the ones we exhaled long ago.

I will carry you with me everywhere I go and never forget you. I am proud of you. You helped create the man you see in front, but all decisions that I take, or the way I choose to live my life, are based on ‘now’ and not on ‘then’.
We all belong to the time that we know how to live the best”

After I told him that, he left the room and closed the door behind him. Even though he is not in the room anymore, I still feel his presence.

 

you

 

Dark by moonlight

We met in the dark. Where rebels live and drinkers sing. The dark where our senses are alive, our bodies move and our lips touch – the dark where words or whispers are not needed.

Everything I learned of beauty so far could have been wrong. It was not the first time I’ve seen you, but I know now that all perceptions of beauty can change in the fraction of a smile, in the blink of a gesture. It’s always the beholder’s eyes and the perfect moment that count.

You seem to walk like a calm storm that touches the ground as the clouds are touching the raindrops before they release them to fall on earth where the mortals live. You walk like rain and feel like thunder.

I could say that you smell good, or familiar or just interesting. I don’t know. Maybe you smell like home and I just forgot how it feels like. Forgot about that aphrodisiac smell that calms the heart of a fighter and makes goosebumps on its skin.
It’s strange…you are strange. The “I will fuck up your mind” strange…just the kind I like.

One of the most beautiful parts of life is the uncertainty in which we live everyday; not knowing where our next step will bring us; what future a moment in the dark has; not knowing where this is going.

But how can we love the dark so much, when we are always living in light?

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