The Fighter

He realized a long time ago that life isn’t always ending up as planned. “You have to be happy with what you have” his father would say. That of course if he would have been around when he grew up. He didn’t choose to be where he is today but it didn’t matter now anyway, did it? He had to go ahead with it.

The room was awkwardly quite. A large room where 100 people could easily fit in. He was all alone, however. He sat in complete silence, his rush breath was the only sound that left a noise. Silence…the total opposite of what was going on in his head. 

All kind of thoughts racing fast…memories, things he should remember, small victories, movements of the past, nonsense that didn’t matter…most of all, didn’t matter now. He had other things to think of.

Among all of them, something was creeping up his throat, like a shadow that he couldn’t get rid of. It was fear. 

“Fear is for the smart ones. Fear keeps you alive” his father would say. That of course, if he would have been around when he grew up.

He was not, though. But from all their imaginary conversations this was the best thing they didn’t talk about: “Fear keeps you alive”. Maybe he came up with it because he was always afraid. Not vulnerable…he was never vulnerable, he couldn’t be, but fear was always by his side. Fear of defeat, fear of drowning in mediocrity, fear of not being the king of his world anymore.

He heard a door opening and noise flooding in the hallway. The door shut and the noise disappeared again but now he could hear footsteps rapidly approaching.

A knock in the door and it swung open.

“Ready?” the intruder asked

“Does it matter??”

“I guess it doesn’t.”
He rose from the table that was hosting his ass and started walking. Out of the door, into the narrow hallway. He starred stupidly at a lightbulb that was flickering. “Flickers as my heart” he though and passed under it.

The intruder went a few steps ahead and widely opened the thick door that was connecting his peace from earlier from the chaos that was about to start.

The arena was sold out tonight and the noise of the crowd nearly made his head spin. People everywhere. Starring. Screaming. Shouting in anticipation. Wanting to see what they came for. 

He walked alone through the narrow sidewalk between the crowd.

Hands were wide spread for him to touch or shake, faces crying for a look of his, but he couldn’t touch or look at anyone…fear was controlling him. His eyes were fixed. His heart was exploding.

He stepped into the ring and fear became uncontrollable. It was inpowering him now, fear was giving him strength, fear was each breath he took, fear were his fists, fear was his essence. Fear could be seen in his opponent’s eyes.

“Fear keeps you alive. That of course, if you are not on the other side of the ring” his father would say.

  

Sub patura ta colorata cu o ciocolata calda in mana

Iti mai aduci aminte cand ajungeam in casa total infrigurati, tu fugeai repede sa pui laptele pentru ciocolata calda la incalzit si eu ma grabeam sa aprind indemanatic focul in semineu?

Odata calda, ciocolata o serveam sub patura ta colorata, intr-o liniste deplina, ascultand doar focul ca intr-un ritual nescris. Nu aveam nevoie sa spunem nimic pentru ca amandoi stiam, amandoi simteam.

Cum trec anii, doar amintirile astea marunte imi raman intiparite. Restul… se scurg cu o rapiditate care ma sperie, lasand doar locul altor amintiri mai proaspete care la randul lor vor fi uitate.

Nu mai simt demult nostalgie sau dor gandindu-ma la ele. In schimb insa, simt caldura ce o simteam in acea vreme, calmul care  uneori si acum ma gaseste.
Imi aduc aminte cu placere ca a fost o vreme cand nu ma interesa nimic altceva decat sa stau langa tine sub patura ta colorata, cu o ciocolata calda in mana, intr-o liniste deplina.

Dor imi e de liniste!

mapf

 

We are both flower and leaves

‘What a marvelous disaster’ she said. ‘While we were running towards the sun we forgot to look around and breath the fresh air around us. We wanted to be free together and to know how flying feels like but instead of flying we found falling.’

‘Look at this’ he replied and pointed towards a large plant that was close to the bench where they were sitting. ‘Look at the leaves that are closer to the ground.’

‘What am I looking at?’ she said

‘You can see that those leaves are almost dried up, some completely fell of already.’

‘So?’

‘Now look a the top of the plant.’

‘A flower is blooming’ she remarked.

‘And the leaves close to it are green and look healthy. Maybe one day they will also be dry and maybe even fall completely off. All of the leaves have only one purpose though – to help the flower grow. To give her what she needs. To help her become wiser.
Some leaves will fall while others will become stronger and grow with the flower.’

‘Maybe we found falling towards the end’ he continued ‘but we also found happiness and warmth on the way and our hearts are just bigger now and ready for what’s coming next.’

‘We are both flower and leaves’ she said.

 

Painting