Te-am visat in ultimele nopti

Una dintre primele noastre discutii a fost despre faptul ca timpul este relativ si exista doar in imaginatia noastra. Pe parcurs insa am dus ideea pana la gandirea ca impreuna avem oricat de mult timp ne dorim, atata timp cat vrem sa Il impartim unul cu celalalt.

Dorinta de a ne da timp, inca persista, dar lumea si imprejurimile in care traim ne demonstreaza ca nu sta totul in puterea noastra – oricat de mult ne-am dori.

Tu vei pleca in curand, iar eu voi ramane. Stiu ca ma iei cu tine – o parte macar; stiu si ca o parte din tine ramane cu mine, in acelasi oras, in aceeasi tara care ne-a consacrat. Dar tu vei pleca in curand, iar eu voi ramane.

Te-am visat in ultimele nopti. Am visat cum plecai, dar chiar daca stiam ca esti tu, in vis erai mereu alta persoana. Alte persoane care au plecat sau carora eu le-am intors spatele in trecut.

Daca as fi un Sigmund Freud, as trage concluzia ca visele recente scot la iveala o teama de parasire sau rani ce poate au fost cu timpul doar peticite dar nu pe deplin vindecate.

Fiind insa un simplu muritor, cred ca ele imi arata doar refuzul meu de a accepta realitatea de care ne lovim pe tot parcursul vietii: realitatea in care nu putem controla cine pleaca si cine intra in viata noastra.

Nu vrem sa tragem concluzia ca o data ce vei fi plecat, nu ne vom mai revedea, dar nici nu ne putem permite luxul de a astepta ca drumurile noastre sa se intalneasca din nou. Putem trai insa in dorinta.



How to silence your mind

Everyone needs sometimes a day off from everything. That day when we just don’t want to do anything except relaxing. Maybe take a book and read it in the park or just be a motionless body laying in bed the whole day. We just want to stop our day-to-day life and do nothing.
Easy to say but hard to do, because you are not left alone and start hearing it again. That condescending bastard voice deep inside your head. “You can’t stay and loose the whole day. You have a deadline on Monday on that project, you need to wash the dishes, you need to solve that problem, you can’t forget that you have to feel miserable for everything that happens in this world; but this day, this life, is not yours!”

It’s the voice that refuses to be quite for more than two minutes. That voice that you are speaking in your head. And damn, but that voice is annoying!

I had this problem for most of my life but especially when I was concerned about something or had problems of some sort. In my head there was a loud nightmare that was not letting me do anything properly and most of all, was not allowing me to enjoy happiness or find peace. Step by step I found ways of bringing that voice to an acceptable tone or at least I learned how to cohabit with her. This is what helped me do so:

  1. Ham Sah – Ham Sah – Ham Sah

You guessed it right. Meditation is the key.
I was skeptical in the beginning too. Especially being from Romania, a country in which many people are still wrongly associating Yoga and consecutively meditation, to an idol-worshiping-sex-sect-movement from the 90’s, I was skeptical. Surving through some difficult times though, I said to myself that I have nothing to lose by trying it since I already am my personal sex slave, but that’s another story.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not and I never were a hardcore meditator. Sometimes weeks are passing by without meditating, but after I started meditating, indeed, some kind of magic happened. By practising it (even sporadically), it helped me find a calmness that I haven’t experienced before. I can’t say that I had transcendental experiences, but I was able to achieve that not-thinking-of-anything state that I was searching for and with it, I was able to reflect on the things that concerned me the most, solve them and go on with my life. You may also be skeptical, but trust me and give it a try.
You can find a simple tutorial on how to mediate here.

  1. Let’s get physical, physical (sorry, couldn’t help it)

Except the fact that starting to do exercises or just being an active person is good for your health, it is also good for your mind. By doing sports, your brain creates a higher amount of endorphin, serotonin and dopamine. In easy words, dopamine is the substance that gives you a rewarding feeling (in this case from achieving an exercise goal), serotonin gives you the sensation of achievement and endorphin, the ultimate feeling of happiness. Besides feeling good during and after you did sports, your mind is also in a tranquil state and lets you relax without boycotting your vibe.

  1. Stop overthinking

Overthinking is a natural tendency of our brain and of our day-to-day life. Most of the times we are thinking of the past and of all the things that we could have done better. In many of my previous posts, I gave one advice that helped me the most: If you can’t control or change things that happened or will happen, accept them as they are and stop thinking about them. You need a bit of practice to be fully able to apply this in all matters, but it will come with time. You must keep some things in mind that will help you on this path: forgive yourself for the things you have done or failed to do; accept the fact that not all problems have a solution that is suitable for you; when in need, go back to the 1st point and start meditating.

  1. Smile. Smile a lot.

As controversial as this line is, it’s totally applicable for this point: Fake it ’till you make it!
It has been scientifically proven that the grimaces that your face does when smiling, creates a higher amount of the Endorphin and with it, it gives you a positive and happy state of mind. By smiling a lot, I also mean smiling at life and seeing it in a positive way. See the good side in everything that happens to you and don’t let your mind bring up only the negative parts out. Smile when things happened, so everyone will ask themselves what you know, that they don’t.

As a conclusion, think of your mind as being an outdated program that is always generating contradictory errors with your consciousness. Errors that only you can fix. You will never be able to silence your mind completely and you shouldn’t either, because by hearing her out, sometimes you will understand what your concerns and challenges are all about. By not knowing them, it is not possible to solve and overcome them.

Life is not perfect and your mind will always try to remind you that, but life is also beautiful in all of its forms and this – you have to remind your mind.


Nu ti-am mai scris de mult

Nu ti-am mai scris de mult. Nu stiu de ce. Probabil trairiile recente mi-au golit temporar cerneala din stiloul care asternea adineaori randuri peste randuri, pagini peste pagini. Cuvinte adresate tie, mie, tuturor si nimanui. Nu le-am mai pus pe foaie. Cel putin nu atat de des pe cat mi-as dori.

Motivele sunt diverse, daca as sta sa le caut. Pretiosul timp liber, e mereu inglodat in datorie mintii mele prea agitate. El ar fi motivul cel mai des intalnit in fuga asta de colo, colo. Pe zi ce trece imi dau seama ca El se scurge tot mai repede. Fie ca imi ocup viata cu prea multe lucruri ce ma tin vesnic preocupat, fie sunt prea obosit si aleg sa boicotez stilolul care asteapta anxios pe birou.

Am pornit de curand pe un drum lung, care are ca tel si sfarsit, exact ceea ce duc lipsa in prezent: din belsug, timp pretios pentru stilou si timp sa imi asez gandurile in sertare.
Drumul, insa, e lung si pana voi castiga cursa cu timpul, voi fi fara timp mereu. Asa ca te intreb: tu crezi ca e bine sa renunt o perioada la ce imi e mai drag, doar pentru a recastiga la sfarsit, ce pierd pe parcus? Chiar daca finish’ul promite sa umple toate lipsurile si provocarile prezentului? Dar daca pierd stiloul sau cerneala din el pe drum?

Probabil trebuie sa ne fie greu uneori, ca sa ne dam seama cat de bine ne e, atunci cand ne e bine. Riscuri avem la fiecare pas, dar daca nu le asumam, nici nu inaintam.

A trecut o perioada lunga de cand nu ne-am vazut. Imi e dor de noptile ce le petreceam in jurul unui foc cu jaratec incins, pasand de la unul la celalalt o tigara si povesti aprinse, dar cred ca cel mai dor imi e sa fim tacuti impreuna si sa lasam lumea din jurul nostru sa faca galagie.

Cu drag,